


Hots for Steve Rogers?

by dontbecooler, tasedagod (Clippedwings)



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Denial, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Meant To Be, Steve Needs a Hug, trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 19:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3989764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbecooler/pseuds/dontbecooler, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clippedwings/pseuds/tasedagod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky did not have the hots for Steve. No. He didn't. Of course he didn't. Okay maybe. Maybe he did- yes. Bucky did have the hots for Steve. But there was no chance of anything happening... right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hots for Steve Rogers?

**Author's Note:**

> Found this baby chilling in my notes and decided to get it posted and edited while i waited for popcorn time to download the pilot episode of Kings (which i'm very excited about and i think i'm going to explode because sebstan like o.O
> 
> Anyway I hope you guys enjoy!!!!  
> haha sorry it took so long :P
> 
> tasedagod was Steve and I was Bucky :)
> 
> ENJOY XX

If anything Bucky never thought he'd be, it was hot for Steve Rogers. Before everything, during the war, there'd been flickers of things that were entirely inappropriate. Steve had been too small before it all, too breakable, then during the war he'd been untouchable, too high in the rankings. After... After the war was worse. Steve hadn't existed, yet there'd been a weight in the Soldier’s chest that never left. There was just something missing. And now, after the war, Steve was untouchable once more. A shining light in a sea of darkness that lit up a room and laughed at the stupid science puns Banner sometimes made. But it wasn't impossible now. Even though Bucky was still given looks of pity and he sometimes woke up screaming, there were possibilities. One: it wasn't illegal to love the same gender anymore, two: there was no war going on, and three: they were equally matched. They had the same age, the same strength, and the same tendency to do stupid shit.

 

But Bucky still didn't think he would. He definitely didn't get drunk and smother his face with a pillow to stop from sobbing a name, and he didn't obsessively clean his floor on the tower because _someone_ was on a mission and didn't have time for him, he definitely didn't have the hots for Steve Rogers. Except he did. Bucky twirled the noodles absently around his fork, murmuring his day to himself in the hopes of beating away the loneliness creeping slowly in his heart. Jane had crossed Becky in the Real Housewives, and there'd been a little spider in the shower that Bucky hadn't the heart to wash down the drain and instead put on a pot plant. Steve was on a mission and didn't have time for him, not that he was thinking about Bucky while he was off saving the world. Or he should have been saving the world, so that's why Bucky jumped at the hiss the of the elevator doors. He looked up, frowning, and stared at the blond who stood under the elevator light.

 

The mission had been shorter than Steve had anticipated. They had overestimated the potential threat and gone in with more force than was strictly necessary, so they had made quick work of the job. The targets were taken out or apprehended, the world was safe, and Steve could actually go home and maybe make an attempt at reconnecting with the friend he finally had back after all these years. The friend that, even since he was just that scrawny kid, has made his heart thud so loud in his chest that he wondered if anyone else could hear it. The friend he had been so sure he had lost. It'd be a lie to say he hadn't thought about what he and Bucky could be now. In this time where everything was so different, maybe they could be... something. Steve didn't know. "Hey," he murmured, giving Bucky a little smile as he walked out of the elevator.

 

Bucky flicked his eyes back to the table and managed a smile. "You're home early," he said, focusing back onto his Kung Pow chicken so the swirling in his stomach would go away. He didn't want to be snappy, but the fact that his best friend, or who he had thought was his best friend, had left without too much of a goodbye was still playing on his nerves. He pulled his sleeves down so the glint on his left arm was less, and tried his best to not look like he wanted to go Steve a huge hug. "World saved once more by the Captain?" He asked pleasantly, popping the noodle web in his mouth.

 

"Yeah," Steve said, giving a little nod in response to both questions. "Well, not just me. You know that." He shrugged, then made his way over to the table and sat down in one of the chairs. Bucky used to be a part of his team. He would remember that Steve didn't save the world alone, right? He was a team player, even if the team had changed since they'd been on it together. "So... What are you eating? What place? Tell me China Road. That one is the best."

 

Bucky sniffed. Of course he knew that. He wasn't an idiot. "I'm eating Kung Pow chicken," he said rather plainly. "Tony ordered it for me because I don't really know how to use the internet yet." He shrugged and swallowed. "I'm not allowed to leave the tower yet..." He huffed a small laugh, getting a new forkful of noodles.

 

Steve nodded and chewed on his lower lip. He felt like he'd done something wrong and insulted Bucky, and he hated feeling like he'd insulted his oldest friend. "Well, if Tony ordered it, he probably got it from Hunan. It's good and all, but China Road is much better. Just not in Tony's opinion."

 

Bucky thought for a moment then replied calmly, "Everyone's opinion is valid Steve." He slid the open box over to the blond though, smirking slightly. "Maybe you should open your mind a little bit. I like this..." He deliberately opened his mouth wide to get a big lot of noodles in his mouth.

 

Steve gave Bucky a small smile. "I've had Hunan's food before, Buck. That's how I know I prefer China Road. And I'm sure you would, too, if you actually had it." Still, he was hungry and he never turned down food. No food ever went to waste around him. It was just the way he had been raised. So he took a piece of the chicken and popped it into his mouth.

 

Bucky hummed in a non-committal way, catching himself watching Steve's jaw as he chewed and flicking his eyes back to the table. "Maybe you should get me China Road at some point then, instead of going off out of the blue." He smiled in a spritely way, though it was slightly venomous. He didn't mean it to be, but he didn't often have a very good control of his emotions nowadays.

 

Steve paused, his chewing slowing and his eyes going up to Bucky's face. "You're not..." he murmured after swallowing. “Buck, you're not upset about that, are you? I have to work. I can't always... Sometimes I just have to go."

 

Bucky blinked, setting his fork down. "I'm not upset," he lied smoothly, standing up suddenly. "I know you have to work, I'm not an idiot." He snatched the box and went to the bench, feeling slightly sick. He needed to reign it in, he wasn't being fair. He wanted Steve happy, not upset with him. "I may have been lonely today is all," Bucky said softly, putting his plate in the sink. "I had to befriend a shower stranded spider."

 

Steve got up and followed Bucky, but he didn't immediately sidle right up next to him. "I'm sorry, Buck. But you didn't have to befriend a spider, you know. There are people there. There's... There's Dr. Banner. And Thor's girlfriend, Jane, and her assistant have a lab here. I think I saw her assistant on my way in. And there's Tony."

 

Bucky scoffed dryly. "Dr. Banner has better things to do than me, as does Dr. Foster. Darcy looks at me funny and makes me uncomfortable. She calls me sexy and looks longingly at my arm." He sniffed, scrunching up his nose.

 

"Sexy is better than Captain Dorito," Steve said with a small laugh. "But if she looks at your arm anything like the way I've caught her looking at my ass, I understand how that would make you uncomfortable."

 

Bucky looked slightly confused for a moment, but remembered that Doritos were a brand of chip and barked a laugh. "You may be slightly off proportion, but she's right about..." He trailed off slightly, putting the food into the fridge and walking to the lounge instead, tugging his sleeves down once more.

 

Steve's brow raised and he couldn't help the little smile tugging at his lips. "She's right about what, Buck?" he asked, following his friend to the lounge. "You gonna finish that sentence or you want me to finish it for you?"

 

Bucky shook his head, throwing himself onto the couch. "Neither," he said, leaning his head back and curling his knees up to his chest. "You don't have to finish anything for me." He let his hair fall in front of his forehead, not comfortable with the heat on his cheeks.

 

"You know my mind is gonna finish it if you don't," Steve teased, plopping down on the couch beside his friend. "Were you going to say she was right about my ass? It's okay if you were."

 

Bucky kicked his legs out to sit on Steve's lap. He didn't hesitate, and let his legs fall rather roughly. "Not really. Best friends don't compliment each other’s asses. That's not how it is Steve."

 

"Might be now," Steve said, letting his arms rest on Bucky's legs. "Natasha does it. But that might just be Natasha. Darcy does it, too... Might be a thing dames do. Who knows."

 

Bucky scoffed again, shaking his head. "'Dames' Steve? What are you, ninety five?" He wanted to shuffle closer to the other, apologize for snapping, but instead he stayed put. "I know that relationships between men in this day and age are more reserved than between female's. Or that's what I've noticed."

 

"Well, yeah, I am," Steve laughed, looking down at his hands. "I don't know, Buck. You should see Bruce and Tony interact sometimes. It's... Well, it's no wonder some of the gossip rags think they're together."

 

"Tony is with Pepper," Bucky corrected, using his flesh hand to press down on some of the sensors in his prosthetic. "Maybe that's why they do act like that, because Tony is so sure of everything. I'm not sure of much, so it probably wouldn't be right." He was sure of a few things, but those things were for him to know and for Steve to never find out.

 

"Hey, _I_ know that. Doesn't mean these magazines aren't spreading rumors about the two of them, though," Steve countered. He rested his hand on Bucky's leg and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You'll figure things out. Don't worry. And I'll help when I can."

 

Bucky's gaze snapped to Steve's hand. It caused his gut to spin and he swallowed thickly because he didn't know what to do. "Don't do that." Is all he could think of, and he tensed, hoping he hadn't said the wrong thing.

 

Steve lifted his hand from Bucky's leg, holding both hands up to show he wasn't going to do it again. Still, his brow furrowed and he looked confused. "Sorry. I didn't mean... You okay, Bucky?"

 

Bucky's jaw clenched, and he nodded as he realized he wasn't going to be punished for his snapping. "No, I think that you touching me is a very nice thing but that confuses me." His voice was quiet, unsure, and he didn't know if he should be telling the truth at all. They had never spoken about this at all, no where down this track, and he didn't know how to navigate it.

 

Steve gave Bucky a confused look, unsure what his friend meant. "It confuses you?" he repeated. "I've touched you before, Buck. You remember, right? Before all this. When I was small. We used to sit around like this. Well, sort of like this. You never had a problem with it before." And Steve had always liked the contact.

 

Bucky felt his breath catch further down his throat. "Seventy years," he murmured, "and I can't remember feeling like this before. Not..." He brought his hand to his gut, then to his head. "I don't remember because everything I did as the Asset was an order. I don't have control." He hurried to apologize. "I'm sorry I don't know."

 

"It's okay, Buck. You don't have to apologize. I just want to understand," Steve said. How was it that Bucky felt that he hadn't felt before? Was it... no. That was probably stupid to think.

 

Bucky sat in silence, his thoughts whirring around his skull like bees. "It's never been allowed, it's all going around and around and around and it's finally allowed and-" he cut off, eyes wide. "I don't understand. I'm allowed but you don't feel that way." He frowned, and curled into himself, taking his legs. "Everything is moving too quickly." He rolled off the couch, to start walking away, and he put his hands onto his head. "I don't understand," he repeated.

 

Steve chewed his lower lip as he listened to Bucky talk. When his friend left the couch, Steve followed and cautiously put a hand on Bucky's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Part of him - a big part - wanted to just take Bucky and kiss him senseless in the hopes that that had been what his friend was talking about by 'you don't feel that way'. But he couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk ruining his friendship for the thrill that would come from finally having Bucky's lips on his, just in case that wasn't what Bucky wanted.

 

Bucky flinched and he spun quickly to grab Steve wrist with his metal hand before he could think. It was a reflex, something he did because he was unsure and wasn't actually thinking too much apart from the fact that he didn't understand. "Steve," he warned, wanting to let go of the other but also found himself unable to. "I'm not in control," he warned, though right now he felt very in control, because if he wasn't in control he could very well hurt the blond.

 

Steve's eyes widened momentarily and he carefully placed his free hand over the metal hand on his wrist. "It's okay, Buck. Just relax. Don't worry." He gave a small smile that he hoped was reassuring and gently patted the metal.

 

Bucky clenched his flesh hand tightly, narrowing his eyes. "I don't understand," he repeated for the third time, because obviously Steve didn't get it. He was near broken, didn't know how things worked. "So it's not okay because I could hurt you." He felt his metal arm tense, grip tighten further, because it would be so easy to snap that wrist, break it easily, and Bucky was having a hard time keeping his breathing under control. He couldn't hurt Steve. Not again. "You'll get hurt." That was inevitable, if Bucky didn't pull his head in. He hadn't had a freak out for a little while, he needed to keep it together. Sam would be disappointed in him if he didn't keep it together. "One moment please," he finally said, almost robotic, letting his eyes slide shut as he searched for a memory to calm him down.

 

Steve was worried about his friend. Really worried. He hated seeing Bucky like this. It made him scared that he was going to lose his friend and have to fight all over again to get him back. "Buck..." he murmured, ignoring the way his wrist was starting to ache in his friend's vice grip. “It's okay to not understand things. That's fine. We'll figure it out. I'll help you, alright? I promise. I'm here for you, Bucky. I'm always gonna be here for you."

 

" _One moment_ ," the brunet repeated tightly, Steve's words in his ears far from reassuring as he shifted through his mind to find something to latch onto. Something before the war, something calm. A carnival, yes, where Bucky had won Steve a teddy bear. "I won you a bear," he breathed, and his eyes snapped open, candy floss in his nose as he one by one let his fingers release his friend. "I won you a bear and you're here for me." To repeat it felt good, made it feel more like the truth. "It's okay."

 

Steve remembered that day, or... At least one of those days. Bucky had won him lots of toys at carnivals. He didn't have any of them anymore. Somehow they had gotten lost. Somewhere over the years they had gone missing. He'd looked through the boxes of his stuff SHIELD had kept in storage, but he couldn't find them. He assumed it never got packed away. "Yeah, you did. That was a nice." He moved a little closer to Bucky and carefully put his hand back on his friend's shoulder. "I'm always gonna be here for you," he repeated. "Now, can you tell me what you don't understand so I can help?"

 

Bucky tensed but forced his arm down to his side. "It wasn't allowed before, it was illegal, but you've always been kind to me and I wanted more." He hesitated. "I want to be close to you. More so than friends. I want to..." He blinked furiously and dropped his head. "Touch you." He breathed, and turned his back to Steve. That was out of line, not allowed. It would ruin everything.

 

Steve let out a slow breath. Was that was this was all about? So maybe he should have just kissed Bucky when he initially wanted to. He moved closer to Bucky, adjusting so his arm was draped over his friend's shoulder. "You can touch me," he said softly. "I don't... I don't mind. I think I'd like that."

 

Bucky felt his breath rush out of him, and he turned to Steve, getting his arm around the other’s waist quickly, because he hadn't expected that at all. He hung suspended in front of Steve face, holding his face so close to Steve that their noses were touching. He was out of practice, but breathing Steve's breath felt right, and watching those blue eyes so closely with little space between them. "I'm out of practice," he informed, pressing his hips to Steve's just because he could.

 

"That's okay. So am I," Steve replied with a small smile. He tightened his arm around Bucky's shoulder, then tilted his head and let their lips meet. It felt good to have those lips on his, finally, after all this time. Not like when he kissed Natasha, which had felt awkward and forced. This felt natural. Right. Like he should have been doing this for a long, long time. Bucky's lips were so soft and warm underneath his own, so perfectly molded to fit his lips.

 

Bucky leaned into the kiss, feeling like his nerves were alight. It felt right, and he was unsure how to keep going so he held himself to Steve for as long as he could until he was feeling light headed. He pulled back, eyes wide and he looked very surprised. "I feel like... This should have happened a long time ago." He was tense all over, and he wanted to kiss Steve again, but his thoughts were all crisscrossed and blurry. "I am finding it hard to breathe."

 

"I feel like that, too. I've been wanting to kiss you for so long, Buck. Even back before the war," Steve confessed, his cheeks going pink. He had always assumed Bucky didn't want that, though. Bucky had seemed to really have a way with ladies and Steve didn't think he'd be interested in a guy. "Me too. Probably cause we weren't breathing."

 

Bucky huffed a laugh, coming forward to lean his forehead against Steve's. He swallowed thickly. "I've wanted- no... I've felt things like this since forever. It just wasn't appropriate." He smiled softly, eyes wide and unsure. He felt as if he was walking on eggshells. "I'm not complete Stevie."

 

Steve gave Bucky a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth when their foreheads touched. "I've wanted it for so long, Buck," he murmured, smiling back. "And it's okay. You're still Bucky. And that's what I want. I just want you."

 

Bucky smiled, as if his chest had been bound and now wasn't. Before the war, Steve had been too small, too breakable, and during the war he'd been untouchable. Now, Bucky was fragile, breakable, but Steve was careful and would take care of him. "Thank you..." He murmured, lining their bodies once more to hold Steve in a chaste warm, perfect kiss. He never thought he'd have hots for Steve Rogers, but that was okay.


End file.
